Envious
by sarajm
Summary: Arthur is envious of Merlin. Gaius sets him straight and Arthur learns a thing or two.


A/N This was written for Narlth for her Christmas Wishlist over on Heart of Camelot.

Nico's wish was basically for hurt!Merlin, although this is more … indirect angst, I guess we could call it – I hope you like it anyway Nico!

Beta'd by the wonderful LyricalSinger

_Summary: Arthur is envious of Merlin. Gaius sets him straight and Arthur learns a thing or two._

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><p><strong>Envious<strong>

"This should do it, Merlin," said Gaius to his young ward, giving a final tug to the bandage he was knotting. "There does not seem to be any break in your arm or ankle, and you don't have a concussion," the physician added. "Now take this and no arguments please," he said, handing the boy a bottle with some sort of horrid-looking brownish liquid in it, and watching Merlin intently as the boy sat there scowling at the draught.

"But it's going to make me sleep, isn't it?" the young servant accused. "And I've still got loads of work to do for Arthur. And now there is a pile of armour scattered all over the floor at the bottom of the steps to the Great Hall, and it's probably full of dents too!"

"Arthur is still right here," said the Prince. He'd hung back from the Merlin's bedside once he'd deposited his servant there. Worry for the boy coupled with guilt from having insisted on overloading Merlin's arms with armour, resulting in a rather spectacular tumble, had kept him subdued until now.

"And _he_ says that you will take some time off to rest," the Prince commanded, trying to hide his concern. His attempt may have fooled Merlin, but Gaius saw right through it, especially when Arthur softly added, "Merlin, you could have been badly hurt."

Gaius hid a smile as he saw the Prince realize that his concern was becoming obvious. "And it's not like you can do much with your arm bound like that, not that you do much anyway," Arthur said. "I don't want to see you back at work until that swelling is gone," he ended imperiously.

Merlin looked like he may protest again, but Gaius cut in, "Don't worry Sire. I have no intention of letting him get up until at least tomorrow. I'll tie him to the bed if I have to."

Merlin pouted wearily and, partly because he knew he was beaten and partly because he was in too much pain to do otherwise, the warlock drank down his medicine before the physician could pester him about it again.

Gaius leaned in to help his ward lie down, knowing that the draft he'd given Merlin was very potent and fast-acting. It had to be, otherwise he was certain the boy would stupidly say he was fine, and insist on getting back to his duties. For all he complained, Merlin _hated_ to be idle.

Resigned to and even grateful for the fact that he would not be allowed to move from his bed for some time, Merlin managed to whisper, "Thanks, Gaius," while trying to fight off the induced sleep a moment longer. Seeing that his mentor and his Prince both still had frowns of concern, the young servant gave a feeble smile and tried to make light of the situation, "My mother would just have kissed it better and told me to be more careful next time," he mumbled softly.

Arthur smiled at the thought. He could easily picture it. He watched with Gaius for a moment longer until Merlin's breathing began to even out and the boy dropped into a deep sleep.

"Sometimes I envy him for having had the love of a mother, Gaius," the Prince said softly, not taking his eyes of his servant, and not yet finished with his daydream of a child-Merlin being tended by a caring Hunith.

Gaius looked up sharply at this comment. He knew the Prince did not really mean it, but the physician still could not help taking issue with it. Merlin had suffered so much in his short life; Gaius didn't think he had even yet gotten over the death of his friend Will just a few months ago. And now? This was the second time in a week Merlin had been hurt trying to do often unreasonable chores. His young ward deserved some consideration, not jealousy - even jokingly, over the one bright spot in the boy's childhood. "And what about the rest of it," he could not stop himself from spitting out at Arthur. "Do you envy that as well?"

Arthur had to prevent himself from taking a step back at the unexpected anger in the old man's voice. "What… do you mean, Gaius?" he asked, perplexed.

"Arthur, life has not dealt a very kind hand to Merlin," the physician answered, with a sad gaze at his sleeping ward. Merlin's breathing was a bit easier and some of the lines of pain had eased in his forehead now that the draught had started to take effect, but Merlin's lips and eyes were still clenched as he fought against his injuries.

"I'm not sure I understand; surely in a town like Ealdor, life is simple. The needs are few," Arthur said, and then immediately felt ridiculous as he remembered the poverty he'd seen in many a village that size.

Gaius wasted no time in reminding him though. "Life was not _simple_, Arthur," Gaius insisted. "It was _deprived_ is what it was. He may have had a mother, but that's _all_ he had. You had _everything_ else."

Arthur bit his lip. Gaius was in full lecture mode now. It was something the Prince had not been subjected to since he was thirteen and had injured the squire he'd been competing against with an illegal mace hit while the boy had been on the ground.

"Have you ever gone to sleep crying with hunger, or shaking with cold on a winter's night because there was no share of firewood left for your family?" the physician continued relentlessly. "Or have you had the pleasure of sleeping on the floor every night for years?"

Arthur shook his head and looked at his servant, well remembering his recent stay in Merlin's home, and how his servant had told him that this small, hard bed that he was now lying in was a luxury.

Gaius was just getting going, apparently, "And when he said his mother would 'just have kissed it better', it was the truth. She often had nothing else she _could_ do. I will never forget one year when she wrote to me, desperate to know if there were any local herbs she could look for to help Merlin through a terrible fever and ague that had hit their village. She has a good knowledge of healing, but had never seen its like before. The healer sent by Cenred had told her that he 'needed to keep his stocks for more important townsfolk, and her bastard spawn was like to die before he ever reached adulthood in any case'. Hunith must have written to me moments after he'd left; I could hear her despair even through her writing. Do you envy that, too?"

Arthur could only lower his eyes and let Gaius continue his rant, hoping the old man would run out of examples soon.

But Gaius had not exhausted his supply yet. "I know you have a hard father to please, but he _does_ love you and the things he insisted on teaching you are things that you will need to know when you are King," said the physician. "Merlin had no father and that meant his townsmen taught him to be a man, often through violence. And unlike you, he did _not_ come home to a hot bath and a good meal brought by sympathetic nurse. He came home to nothing but that mother's kiss. Do you envy that?"

"No of course not," Arthur finally managed to break in. "I'm sorry, Gaius. I never realized that it was that bad for him in his village. I guess he must be glad that he could put it behind him when he came to Camelot."

Gaius' frown deepened and the Prince wondered what he'd said wrong this time.

"I only wish that were true, Sire," the physician said, "but even here he is often deemed of lower worth than other men."

Arthur's eyes narrowed as he remembered his father using almost those same words about his manservant after the young man had drunk poisoned wine to save Arthur's life less than a year earlier.

"Do you remember last autumn when I had to ration out my cure for that strange illness that ran through the town?" Gaius asked.

Arthur nodded. He well remembered visiting the homes of the first afflicted, accompanied by his manservant of course. The sight of people writhing with the excruciating pain in their heads and joints still haunted him.

Merlin had stayed in Camelot to help Gaius deal with the sick, while Arthur and a contingent of his knights had ridden out to the countryside to ensure that none of the outlying villages had been afflicted.

"Merlin took ill with it near the end, just as I was running out of ingredients for the antidote," explained the physician. "And once again he was denied what others took as their right. I had to watch him fight that illness even while I was forced to provide the last of my remedy to nobles and knights who were not nearly so ill."

"Why didn't you just cure him anyway?" asked Arthur, wondering why Gaius had not just ignored such an obviously unfair rule.

"I wished to, you may be sure," Gaius said. "But the King knew he had taken ill and would surely have punished him, or worse, accused him of magic if he'd been miraculously cured when he was not supposed to receive treatment for it."

Arthur knew that the physician was right. His father would not have seen the rule as unfair, and being cured could have been worse for Merlin than simply fighting his way through the horrible symptoms.

The Prince gazed at his sleeping manservant thoughtfully and leaned over to pull the boy's blanket up a bit higher on his shoulders, almost as though in compensation for his father's cruelty. _Nobody_ should have had to endure _that_ illness, least of all someone as kind as Merlin.

As he straightened, Arthur frowned with a sudden realization. Nobody should have to suffer through _most_ of what Merlin had gone through just because of their _birth_, and as King, Arthur would be in a position to ensure it.

"Gaius, I am not my father," the Prince said at last, hesitating slightly as he worked through his intentions. "I promise that when I am King, maybe even before, if I am able, I will find a more humane way to share things in times of shortages. And I don't just mean medicine but even other necessities like food and firewood. I think that providing these things should be based on a person's need first and foremost."

Gaius looked up in surprise at the determination in the Prince's voice. He had been feeling guilty, partly for lighting into Arthur so vehemently, and partly for telling the Prince things that Merlin would probably have preferred to keep hidden. But hearing the Prince's words, Gaius could not feel regret. He had never expected that his lecture would have such potentially far-reaching results.

"I have every confidence that you will do so, Arthur," said the old man sincerely. "I shall look forward to that day. And…I'm sorry I got so upset with you," Gaius admitted. "It's just that Merlin has always had to stand by and watch empty handed while others have received more than their fair share. He's never complained about it, but when you said you envied him, well, for some reason it made me angry today. It was an overreaction, and I hope you will forgive an old man's love for his boy."

"I guess I had better not tell you that I envy Merlin for that too," Arthur said with a huge grin, and causing Gaius to laugh.

"Not unless you want me boxing your ears," the physician said, still grinning. "I've had enough of ranting for one day!"

Both of the men turned back to look at Merlin who was shifting slightly in his sleep.

"Now though, we'd better leave your servant to his beauty sleep, and I'd best get back to preparing some remedies for my other patients," said Gaius, moving towards the stairs leading down into the main room of his chambers.

"And I'd better get out to the training field," said Arthur, reluctantly trailing after the physician. Just before he started down the stairs, the Prince looked back at his servant now sleeping peacefully and gently whispered, "Sleep well, my friend."


End file.
